I realised today I still hadn't posted some photos of F and my Alex beach get away..
It was a important time for me, with all that has gone in our lives this past year I felt like I had lost the connection I always shared with F, sure we did things together still, but I really was struggling with what is going on for him and wondered how I missed it..I think thats what gets me the most.. how did I make myself believe everything was okay
These are a few taken up there and edited here..I love the old memory effect it gives, like collected newspapers..
The trip was a good thing for us, I relearnt some good stuff about my boy and thought hard about the other stuff...
F started speech therapy this week, so that a good step, he also seems to be enjoying school more..we went to see his old kindy on Monday..and we both cried as we left..I wish we were there again in alot of ways..because I knew he was okay there..everyone loved him and accepted him..but on the reverse side I am not sure the things school is discovering would have been picked up there...and despite the high expectations and F not coping very well, I realise how far he has come in 2 short months...
I have made some changes in our life, and realised that I was ignoring things for awhile..if someone said..he's fine I was more likely to listen than if someone said..I think there is a problem..
The good news is the larger opinion is that F has not have an intectual impairment, the rest no one is really willing to put a finger on until we can cover all areas..I cried myself to sleep last night again while Mr G held me..I feel still so lost and I want to curl up in a ball and not unwind..
I took him swimming at his school and saw for myself how far behind he is physically and socially, and how he reacts with his peers and teachers, and I also saw how much they all like him and support him..so bittersweet...I just wanted to take him home and wrap him in my arms and never let him go again..but thats not really going to help is it?
Of course I realise now that starting Prep perhaps was not the best move, there were many reasons why we did and it was something I was unsure about right from the start..
But we are here now and we will get there..so it seems the small things has a new meaning..
5 comments:
Oh it's so tough isn't it? We had a bumpy start to kinder and I think had it been prep I would have been a basketcase...
I think it can be hard to really 'see' our kids as they are - we want so much for them to succeed, and they all do develop at different rates.
Anyway I hope shedding the light on any issues makes it all easier to deal with. F is an spunky, adorable kid and he has a great mum so I'm sure it will all come together for you.
Do you think maybe the health problems of his first couple of years might have affected him physically? He's never struck me as socially behind, but I haven't seen you in a while. Is there an option to take him out of prep and start again next year?
Oh K, you sound so defeated and bewildered. Remember that above all else Felix has guts, heart and spirit, which can't be fixed or developed by any specialist, the rest he can work on at his own pace. It sounds like you really need to take a step back and focus on yourself, stick your head as deep in the sand as it can get, even if only one day, then perhaps attack things with fresh eyes. If you need somewhere to hide (or knit...lol) you know my door is always open.
Life is a juggling act every day with kids , work and the must do responsibilities that keep us from spending all our time with our kids.
Then the worry about them ...
I hope it all comes together with F.
I love the memory effect on your photos ... can you share you secrets ?
Kat, this is a difficult road to go through with your child. Be very kind to yourself. The only decisions we make that are perfect are the ones with hindsight. F is very luck to have such a thoughtful, loving Mum and that is the most important thing of all.
Post a Comment